


Pon Near

by newsbypostcard



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, First five-year mission, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsbypostcard/pseuds/newsbypostcard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock bets Uhura that he is well capable of remaining fully professional on the Bridge, at all times, under all circumstances.</p><p>It's days like these that Jim hates being captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pon Near

Spock sighed.

...Spock _sighed_?

Jim was suspicious.

“Everything all right, Mister Spock?”

“Fine, Captain,” Spock gritted out.

“Are … you sure?”

Spock cleared his throat. “Positive.”

Behind him, Uhura giggled.

… Behind him … Uhura … _giggled??_

Jim gave Uhura a sidelong glance, blinked repeatedly, and gave a gentle shake of his head as he turned back forward in his chair. “All right, then. As you were.”

A few moments later, Spock bowed his head at his station, one fist clenched at his hip, and cleared his throat again.

“Mister Spock,” Jim intoned dully.

“Fine, Captain,” Spock repeated.

“Are you _quite sure._ ”

Spock turned toward Kirk and opened his mouth to reply, but something jolted deep in his torso and forced him to falter. “If you would excuse me for just a moment,” he managed eventually in a pained voice.

Jim sighed. “Sort it out, Mister Spock,” he advised impatiently.

Spock stood and moved briskly toward the lift, casting his eyes darkly in Uhura’s direction; Uhura’s shoulders shook with barely bit-back mirth as she bent over her station.

Jim shook his head and ran his hands over his face. “Mister Sulu, please, for the love of all that is good and holy, tell me we are close to M-113.”

“Three hours, sir,” Sulu replied, then licked his lips in an attempt to hide a grin.

“Unbelievable,” Jim muttered to himself. At least there was a shift change in an hour.

\-----

Jim slammed his plate of food down on the table where Uhura and Bones were seated and sat heavily down on his chair, beguiling Uhura with a hard glare. “ _Sex games_ on the _Bridge_ , Lieutenant?” he asked abrasively.

Uhura threw her head back and gave a long, loud spiel of laughter. “Oh, my god, Jim,” she said eventually, wiping a tear delicately from the corner of her eye. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m not even sorry.”

Jim toiled in her direction. Bones raised an intrigued eyebrow at Uhura. “Why, Uhura,” he drawled, slow grin spreading over his features, “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“You … can’t ... understand,” she started, a calming hand resting on her chest to subdue her mirth, “what joy that gave me. Absolutely worth it. But I do realize how unprofessional it was, and it’ll never happen again, Captain, I mean that sincerely.” Her grin, however, widened. “I mean, I’ve won the bet now so there’s really no need--”

“The bet!” Jim repeated incredulously, stabbing unsympathetically at his food while nodding at Uhura. “That’s great.”

Bones was clearly finding the entire affair hilarious. Jim shot him a look denoting annoyed betrayal, but Bones just waggled his eyebrows at him and turned to face Uhura more fully. “What kind of sex games are we talking about here?”

“I just,” Uhura began before waving a vague hand. “I bet Spock that I could make him react in a way that was other than completely professional on the Bridge, aaaand I won! So that’s that.”

“Well that’s fantastic.” Bones remained impressed. “What’d you go for? Vibrator?"

“Oh my god, no, I don't want to hear this," Jim declared loudly.

Bones only grinned at him. Jim set his jaw and pointed at him with his fork. “You’re laughing, but if anyone under _your_ command did that, Bones, they’d be out of sickbay and off the Enterprise faster than they could count to three.”

“You bet your ass,” Bones agreed, “but Spock and Uhura also know that you are not me.”

Jim frowned at him irritably. “I don’t know what you’re implying.”

Both Bones and Uhura stared disbelievingly at him.

“You’re lucky I don’t demote the both of you,” Jim muttered at Uhura.

“So noted,” she replied, more sincerely now, though she glanced at Bones all the same. She seemed to realize, to Jim’s extreme annoyance, that he was all too fond of the crew to try to force any staffing changes unless the offense was truly severe.

“I’m so glad you’re both having such a good time with this,” Jim groused.

“Are we finished having our disciplinary meeting now?” Uhura asked lightly. “Because I’d like to point out that that was _definitely_ not the first time sex games were played on the Bridge--”

“ _On shift_ being the operative words, Uhura,” Jim clarified hotly.

“--and that the, ah, _endeavor_ was carried out as discreetly--”

“Discreet! Are you serious?”

“--and as _cleanly_ as possible--”

“I don’t, stop, please no details.”

“--which is more than I can say for some of _your_ previous escapades,” she waved her own fork between Kirk and McCoy, “which are now common knowledge as a result of a certain captain’s drunken inability to differentiate between the button for ‘all hail’ and the button for the cleaning crew on the comm in the captain’s quarter’s.”

Bones’ amused expression suddenly dropped as he looked upon Jim with a murderous glare. Jim sputtered several unintelligible syllables before finally settling on, “That doesn’t make it excusable!”

“Agreed,” she nodded, “but it does make you _kind_ of hypocritical.”

“Your insubordination--” Jim began through gritted teeth.

“--is great and terrible, I know.” Uhura looked pleased with herself.

“Look,” Jim began slowly, forcing himself to take deep breaths before leaning forward and speaking in a lower tone. “I respect whatever … _things_ you guys are … _doing_ , which, god almighty, what is sex with Spock even like, I can’t even imagine, oh my god, but, Uhura, please, I can’t stress this enough -- _please_ never do this again when the Bridge is mine. I hate having to be the Captain about this. I’d much rather hear about it later, with considerably _fewer_ details about the sex lives of my crew, and be able to sweep it under the rug, you know?”

“So your actual issue isn’t with sex games on the Bridge,” Uhura began slowly, “or even with sex games on the Bridge while _we’re_ on shift … but is instead with sex games on the Bridge while _you’re_ on shift?”

Jim blinked indignantly. “That’s not--” 

“So glad we had this little chat, Captain.” She smiled and turned in her chair. “Now if you boys will excuse me, I have a debt to collect.” And she turned and strode ambitiously from the venue, pony tail swaying from side to side.

Jim frowned and watched her leave before turning to open his mouth gapingly at Bones, who only raised his eyebrows and likewise moved to stand.

“Only four years to go, Jim,” he reminded him cheerfully.

Abandoned, Jim shut his eyes and mouthed _I hate this fucking crew_ before returning despondently to his decimated meal.


End file.
